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Joke of the Day

"Facebook Friend: I woke up at 3:30am so I could sneak in a 8 mile run. Me: I skipped showering so I could sleep an extra 15 minutes."

"[whole foods] WHITE GIRL: excus me do u hav pumpkin EMPLOYEE: (hands her a pumpkin) here WHITE GIRL: no no no. PUMPKIN. its a type of spice"

"Improvement One student to another: ""How are your English lessons coming along?"" ""Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."""

"Where do fish deposit their money? River banks"

"How do you have a rave in Greece? Blu-Tac a euro to the ceiling."

"Why do hamburgers and hot dogs fuck their cousins? Because they're inbred!"

"I have all these jokes about unemployed people... But none of them work."

"How do you make holy water You stab it with a knife over and over"

"[At job interview] Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?"

"Me: *empties 4's maracas 4: *shakes maracas* They're broken Me: Oh no.. What happend?"