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Joke of the Day

"Why did Ibuprofen miss his friends? Because Paracetamol on fire."

"Therapist: Alright, let's start at the beginning Me: *Sighs* I guess it all really started when I wasn't born a centaur"

"A hunter brings a bear into his own home. His friend asks if he's crazy, and the hunter responds ""Just bear with me"""

"Mel Brooks is tired of all the letters from Arnold Schwarzenegger begging for a new space balls movie. In a public statement he said he is the worst schwartz a nagger of them all."

"My biggest complaint about Batman v Superman is how the movie always just assumes you know which one is which."

"I took a ""Paint with Wine"" class. The instructor was really impressed with how well I handled my wine."

"*aggressively keeps eye contact with attractive people to let them know I mean business*"

"Women's voices naturally get higher as they get excited so if you're in bed and she still sounds like Morgan Freeman, try harder."

"What does a dyslexic,agnostic and insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night thinking if there really is a dog"

"I like how this car asks me if it's safe to move in reverse. WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS GETTING MARRIED???"