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Joke of the Day

"The guy at the urinal next to me must really like my wrist watch."

"I think my girlfriend is starting to gain weight. She's starting to fit into my wife's clothes."

"A Conductor ... What do you call a part time conductor ?? . . . a *semiconductor*"

"What did UK say while leaving? It's not EU, it's me"

"What do you call an asshole who can see the future? A 4chan teller"

"What's the difference between a Slut and a Bitch? A Slut sleeps with everyone A Bitch sleeps with everyone, except you."

"I hate when I wake up at night, look at the clock and go right back to sleep. Essentially my body is just waking me up to do math."

"I was working in the yard. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a snake. I hit it with a shovel. I'm happy to report the garden hose is dead"

"How did the Mathematician relieve his constipation? He worked it out with a pencil!"

"What's the difference between a Jew and a truck? The truck doesn't scream when you pump gas into it."