178028

Joke of the Day

"Why do bird watchers invest so much money in breast cancer awareness? Because they are greatly satisfied by seeing Tucans."

"I share a commute with three friends. Every weekday for the last 15 years I've driven into the city, taking the road that goes under the river. Now the doctor says I have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome."

"What do you think about a girl isn't a virgin before 18?"

"Who takes over when the Ultrasound man is on leave? The Hip Replacement Guy."

"What's the difference between a Blonde and a person with a different colour of hair? The blonde sure doesn't know."

"If you were a triangle youd be acute one."

"20 year old me: *imagines awesome career, travelling the world, being in love* 32 year old me: *tweets*"

"Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a container of yogurt? A: Yogurt has culture."

"Nurse: Taking you back into surgery. Something was sewn inside you. Me: What? Can I talk to the surgeon? [from my stomach] I'm right here"

"Why'd it take Little Red Riding Hood so long to figure out it wasnt her grandma? I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana"