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Joke of the Day

"Why aren't there any ""old husband tales""? There are. They just get re-branded as ""logic"" and ""the truth""."

"Mom: Want to come over for dinner? Me: No thanks, already ate Mom: What did you have? Me: Peanut butter Mom: With? Me: Spoon"

"So I talked to a prostitute that was a prophet today... She told me that I would succeed. EDIT: A religion flair?"

"What do you do if you come across a lion in the jungle? Wipe it off and say you're sorry."

"A Pirate walks into a Bar A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his belt buckle. The bartender says ""what's that on your belt buckle?"" Pirate says ""Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"""

"The lady next door ran over my cat. She said she'd replace it, so I asked her how good she was at catching mice. Courtesy of Mary Poppins."

"What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup!"

"""I don't really know my best position. left, right or center"" ""Wayne, just get on the fcuking plane and pick an aisle will you."""

"Made out with a milf in the theatre last weekend... Although the movie was pretty well ruined with little Timmy talking through the whole thing."

"When that guy on the train woke up and stretched, I don't think he liked it when I scratched his head and said ""Who's a big kitty?!"""