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Joke of the Day

"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Its cheesy."

"My mom took my child into a store and left me in line to wait for Santa by myself, so now I look like a narcissistic creeper-thanks mom."

"Today I was helping a friend install his fence, but I put in one of the stakes upside down so we had to do it over. Sorry for the repost."

"If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their age."

"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"

"Keep your friends close, your enemies close, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes close, skeletons close, everything just in a big pile"

"Day 3 in the desert: I have somehow gained the respect of some birds as they are circling above me in some sort of protective formation"

"The sign said, ""Call Jesus for help."" The next day I had a Mexican guy mowing my lawn."

"Executioner: Before we do this, what would you like for your last meal? ""I'll have a panda please"" [judge, under his breath] Can he do that?"

"What do you hear when Bill Cosby walks into the room? (Zzzzip)"