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Joke of the Day

"The greatest distance in the Universe is the one between how people think they look in a Hummer limo, and how they actually look."

"What did the windmill say to the windmill engineer? I'm a big fan of your work"

"An Irishman walks into a bar .... An Irishman walks into a bar full of Englishmen. Looks around, and then says: ""Right, this looks like a fair fight."""

"There hasn't been a ""final"" fantasy"

"How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men."

"My dog has no nose. That's terrible! How does he smell? Awful."

"What kind of bug do you find on a long car ride? An I-shoulda-pede."

"Did you hear about the construction worker that got arrested? He was handling his wood in public."

"MAN: What are you doing? ME: [pointing gun at lake] Fishing MAN: No way will- SALMON: [walks out of lake with fins up]"

"What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a zit? Nothing, they both come on a boy's face when he turns 13."