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Joke of the Day

"MAN: What are you doing? ME: [pointing gun at lake] Fishing MAN: No way will- SALMON: [walks out of lake with fins up]"

"Hey, want to play the rape game? No? That's the spirit!"

"What did the pornstar say after getting a cumshot in the eye? ""I didn't see that coming"""

"A guy says to his friend, ""we should open a joint bank account."" His friend says, ""what for?"" The guy says, ""I just told you, weed money!"""

"50 shades of grey Girl 1: Hey have you read 50 shades of grey yet? Girl 2: Yes! From cover to cover! Girl 1: And the index? Girl 2: Exhausted..."

"There's nothing worse when I bring a girl home from a bar and she's in still in my bed the next morning That's when the smell of a corpse really begins to take effect"

"DONALD TRUMP (45 minutes into watching wall-e): this film is not what i hoped it would be"

"A couple of million dollar ideas: 1) Boxers with pockets 2) A service that lets you throw a live shark from a speeding van"

"My GPS just did a shoulder shrug and said, ""uhm, take a left here?"" This can't be good."

"The only difference between politics and religion is whether the hope is for this life, or the next."