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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines everywhere!"

"""I'm so lucky to have you.""--- Me to my hand. No, it's not what you think. I just watched Hook."

"Met a beautiful girl down at the park today... Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser..."

"Have you heard of airplane skirts? They're so short, you can see the cockpit."

"Why don't I play chess with the Prodigy? they smack my bishop"

"Is Miley Cyrus pregnant? Will The government stay shut down? Will the GTA online servers work? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z"

"Industrial robots How do industrial robots communicate with humans? They use a conveyor belt."

"Why should everyone go to the dentist at least once every ten years? Because of tooth decade!"

"The more Twitter tells me it's over Capacity, the more I think Twitter still loves Capacity and regularly sits outside her house, weeping."

"Either people up north are getting friendlier or it's the spring-like weather because I was just told to ""please"" go fuck myself."