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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend said I should be louder in the bedroom. But apparently she didn't give me permission to snore."

"A robber walks into a bank... ...and shouts ""This is a fuck up!"", The bank teller say's ""Don't you mean a hold up?"" to which the robber replies ""No its a fuck up, I left my gun in the car!"""

"Investment question If a leopard and a cheetah both had companies, which stock should you buy? A: The leopard's, because cheetahs never prosper."

"""Take off your corduroy shorts so I can blow you,"" said no chick, ever."

"Did you hear the one about the loyal Jewish patriot who put America's interests ahead of Israel's? Me neither."

"Two muffins are baking in the oven, one muffin turns to the other muffin and says ""man its getting hot in here"" and the other muffin turns back to him and yells "" ahhh!!! a talking muffin!!"""

"I tried to walk into Target... But I missed. - Mitch Hedberg RIP."

"When I see starving children in 3rd world countries, I get so sad knowing there's no way they'll ever be able to retweet me."

"Why was Twelve running from Seven? Because Seven had a fucking rocket launcher!"

"Q: Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking? A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?"