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Joke of the Day

"Keep the dream alive. Hit the snooze button."

"Apparently watching your lover sleep is only romantic when they know who you are."

"My wife wanted a new mattress... I said I'd have to sleep on it."

"How do you keep a retard in suspense? ..."

"What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry Potter made it out the chamber alive"

"I don't wanna get too political here, but I plan on voting for whichever candidate will do something about Meghan Trainor."

"I can't help but notice that the Ninja Turtles never wash their hands before eating pizza in the sewer."

"What do prayers and my Reddit submissions have in common? No one fucking reads them."

"What do you call 99% of /r/politics? Bernd-wagoners!"

"What do you call a smiley face if someone uses it that lives in an igloo? An Eskimoji"