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Joke of the Day

"Why did people make white chocolate? So black kids could get dirty faces too."

"I'm glad the pet stores close before the bar does. I could see drunken pet adoption being a real problem for me."

"Downhill is probably the only way I can honestly say I've rolled."

"Why did the boy die when a car ran over his finger? His finger was up his nose."

"Super convenient that my arms came with cup holders."

"If there is anything that chicken noodle soup and DayQuil won't cure, it's probably like, really serious or something."

"Why do priests wear underwear in the shower? They don't like to look down on the unemployed"

"[Gives husband a list for groceries] He brings home 1/2 of what's on the list and someone else's kid."

"If Iron Man and the Man of Steel were to team up, they'd be powerful alloys."

"Never let your friends feel lonely! disturb them at all times!"