217975

Joke of the Day

"'No Panties Tuesday' is a thing, right? Or AKA, I really need to do some laundry."

"I ate a vegetable... And she liked it so much she woke up."

"Why do people still buy bottle openers? I just don't see the reason for purchasing a bottle opener. I've been using my seat belt for years!"

"Guys with ponytails are clearly vampires because there's no way you can actually see yourself in a mirror & still think that looks good."

"Why did Snow White stop using the mail-in photo lab? She was tired of singing ""Some day, my prints will come..."""

"This is the last pair of shoes I buy from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I just keep tripping."

"A sad dickhead walks into a bar... and the bartender asks him, ""Why the schlong face?"""

"Grammar Nazi If somebody who is really anal about proper grammar is called a Grammar Nazi, is someone who constantly makes grammatical mistakes a Grammar Jew?"

"I will read that article on how procrastination can kill me As soon as I get around to it."

"What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted."