139781

Joke of the Day

"Guys with ponytails are clearly vampires because there's no way you can actually see yourself in a mirror & still think that looks good."

"A second date is probably not likely if your date pulls out and clutches a crucifix when you enter the room."

"Hate the political process, not the politicians. Nah, who the f*#k am I kidding? Hate those politicians!"

"Yo mommas so ugly.. Scorpion said ""STAY OVER THERE"""

"You say you want to bring me back to reality. You're assuming I've been there before."

"How could they tell Amy Winehouse was dead? No, seriously. How could they tell?"

"What does Team Rocket and a Peeping tom have in common? They are both always trying to get a Pikachu."

"There's a faggot in the trunk of my car. There were too many sticks in my front yard, so I'm dumping them in the woods."

"Make a friend today. Give a complete stranger a big, long hug. If they happen to get mad, tell the police a guy on twitter said you could."

"A man in a restaurant asks the waiter, ""How does the chef prepare the chicken?"" The waiter replies, ""He looks it straight in the eye and says, 'You're gonna die.'"""