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Joke of the Day

"There's an alternate universe where we are together and finally happy. And I probably forgot to take out the trash there, too."

"What does British parliament name as the #1 cause for pedophilia? Sexy children"

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? By walking. Jk. Rowling"

"What does an identity thief look like? A mirror."

"What do women and fuses have in common? They blow when they get turned on."

"How many men does it take to get an Amish woman pregnant? Two men a nite."

"Why do terrorists in Antarctica love being interrogated? Snow boarding is fun as hell."

"What do women and pine trees have in common? Every time you try to get on one, they ruin it by getting sappy."

"Reddit is like my ex. The biggest time waster ever."

"What does a mathematician do when he's constipated? He works it out with a pencil."