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Joke of the Day

"There's an alternate universe where we are together and finally happy. And I probably forgot to take out the trash there, too."

"What is Michelle obama's favorite vegetable? BARACK-OLI"

"ME: Siri listen very carefully. I need you to quietly dial 911, and... SIRI: I HAVE FOUND TWO RESTAURANTS WITHIN 5 MILES OF YOUR LOCATION."

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong socks to work today."

"Netflix and Chill or ... Redtube and Lube "

"Three tampon's walking down the street... Which one says ""Hi""? None, they are all stuck up cunts."

"There are 10 types of genders in the world... Gender binary, and, well, the joke still makes sense if you didn't get the first part."

"I want cake, to get cake I must get dressed, to get dressed I have to get out of bed, to get out of bed I need cake."

"Dr: you have pneumonia Hillary: what's pneumonia Me: *fighting off secret service* not much monia what's pneu with you"