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Joke of the Day

"[helping a pretty girl change a flat tire] me struggling to loosen lug nuts: Who put these on... Superman? her: I did"

"Push me aside, but I will come back. Hide me, but I will always emerge. I AM POWER. I AM RESILIENCE. I AM A BRA STRAP."

"If a boy put rose petals all over my bed I'd be like you're cleaning this up I'm not cleaning this up"

"Why does the new Polish Navy have glass bottomed boats? So they can see the old Polish Navy!"

"Why do woman have legs? So their feet don't smell like pussy."

"Pouring water on someone's head to promote something is kinda weird. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let's go baptize some babies."

"I'm so confused when the TV voice before a show I'm about to watch says, ""For mature audiences only."" Can I watch or not?"

"Waiter I can't eat this meat it's crawling with maggots ! Quick run to the other end of the table and grab it as it goes by !"

"I invited a girl back to my house for cocktails. She got excited at the thought but left when I started telling her stories about my rooster."

"Black people love boom boxes .. I hate to generalize, but it's their stereotype ;-)"