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Joke of the Day

"Do not trust atoms... They make everything up."

"""I'd have to say my two favorite things are sex, and not having my head bitten off."" -soon to be disappointed praying mantis"

"I'm starting a Mexican hate group. It's called the quequeque."

"I don't like the idea of bacteria in my yogurt so I mix it with hand sanitizer. It cuts down on the taste, but I sleep better at night."

"Doctor, doctor I broke my arm in two places. Doctor: Stop going to those places."

"Cats make the best boyfriends because they're soft, loyal, and won't claim they're straight but then turn gay after one lousy date, BRENT!"

"I can control what you do next in life. Made you click."

"Wanna know why I prefer sponge cakes to Jesus? Because sponge cake doesn't take 3 days to rise."

"What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married."

"I can describe my girlfriend and 9/11 in one word bush"