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Joke of the Day

"The most unrealistic part of The Martian movie was... CNN's coverage did not involve speculation about whether Joe Biden would also get stuck on Mars"

"Why wasn't Hamlet sad when his girlfriend drowned? He was more of a necrOpheliac anyway."

"THERAPIST: You're cured. ME: Really?!? THERAPIST: No, of course not. How did that make you feel?"

"What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? A chocolate ba-a-a-a"

"The programmer's wife tells her husband: ""Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. if they have eggs, get a dozen."" The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread."

"Got robbed. Someone broke into my house, stole my stuff, but then replaced everything with an exact replica. I pointed this out to my closest friend, and he went, ""Have we met?""."

"Nuclear winter ""What are you going to do if a nuclear winter comes?"" ""Throw snowballs."" ""Nuclear!"" ""With my tentacles!"""

"Why does Tiger Woods bring two pair of pants during a golf game? Its in case he gets a hole-in-one."

"TIFU by ordering the wrong sandwich Whoops, wrong sub"

"Why do people browse reddit on the toilet? For shits n' giggles."