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Joke of the Day

"The most unrealistic part of The Martian movie was... CNN's coverage did not involve speculation about whether Joe Biden would also get stuck on Mars"

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"Why wasn't Hamlet sad when his girlfriend drowned? He was more of a necrOpheliac anyway."
"THERAPIST: You're cured. ME: Really?!? THERAPIST: No, of course not. How did that make you feel?"
"What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? A chocolate ba-a-a-a"
"The programmer's wife tells her husband: ""Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. if they have eggs, get a dozen."" The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread."
"Got robbed. Someone broke into my house, stole my stuff, but then replaced everything with an exact replica. I pointed this out to my closest friend, and he went, ""Have we met?""."
"Nuclear winter ""What are you going to do if a nuclear winter comes?"" ""Throw snowballs."" ""Nuclear!"" ""With my tentacles!"""
"Why does Tiger Woods bring two pair of pants during a golf game? Its in case he gets a hole-in-one."
"TIFU by ordering the wrong sandwich Whoops, wrong sub"
"Why do people browse reddit on the toilet? For shits n' giggles."