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Joke of the Day

"When two girls hate each other, they say ""we should DEFINITELY hang out"" and then take turns shouting ""definitely!"" until one of them dies."

"Money doesnt grow on trees? So then why do banks have branches?"

"Did you know that protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!"

"Why did everyone love the mushroom at the party? He was a fungi."

"My kid just told me all she wants for Christmas is a bell so she can ""make lots of money like the man outside walmart."""

"One thing I've learned about pizza jokes... It's all in the delivery."

"[Storm into Octopus Boss' office] I want a raise or I quit! [Octopus Boss is almost done camouflaging against the fern] NOT THIS TIME"

"Scientist: a rat will choose cocaine over water until it dies. I've repeated this experiment thousands of times, because I hate rats so much"

"What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in New Zealand? A community centre"

"i put tinder on my kindle it burst into flames"