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Joke of the Day

"Him: I love nerd girls Me: Cool! Did you know the human body can't feel water, only a change in temperature? Him: no. not like that."

"""Talk to me, Goose,"" Tom Cruise crackled over the radio. ""Squawk."" Goose replied before nose diving into the ground causing untold amounts of destruction, because geese can not operate aircraft."

"[a person with cold hands] DONT YOU DARE TOUCH ME WITH THOSE [a dog with cold paws] POOR BABY COME HERE I WILL GIVE YOU ALL MY BODY HEAT"

"Why should you always wear underwear in Ukraine? Otherwise Chernobyl Fallout."

"Who did the pirate lose his virginity to? His first mate."

"Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder what happened to my roof"

"I feel bad for Kim-Jong Un It's hard being the fat kid in high school, so it must be really difficult being the only fat kid in the country."

"What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns? A bull pull!"

"Grand Theft Auto 6 just announced. Already criticized for displaying ""excessive and gratuitous violence towards pedestrians"". Apparently your character is just a normal on-duty cop."

"Why didn't Ken ever get Barbie pregnant? because he always came in another box."