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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a plant that doesn't move? A tree."
Next Joke
"How to look at life positively |life|"
"My 4yo: Dad, you're old, right? Me: I'm not that old. 4: You're not new. Me: Go to bed."
"Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap."
"There are five states of matter. 1. Solid 2. Liquid 3. Gas 4. Plasma 5. Black Lives"
"When people ask me for advice, I tell them, ""Use your best judgment,"" which they clearly don't have if they are asking me for advice."
"Pretty rude of you to have a crush on someone else when I've done absolutely nothing to show I'm attracted to you."
"No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy's hat sideways."
"Who do zombie cowboys fight? Deadskins."
"Why is it easy to arrange for private yoga classes with a teacher? They are flexible."