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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Death Sentence for a Movie Theater Shooting? Too much to ask for."

"Im in a band called ""Missing Cat"" You've probably seen our posters..."

"[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] ""It doesn't matter if its a dog, it's still called a cat scan"""

"A white lie: ""No dear, your bum doesn't look big in those jeans""."

"Nothing says rock bottom quite like having your head in the oven for 45 minutes before you realize you forgot to pay the gas bill"

"please spread kale over my dumb organic gluten free casket"

"Police: Viagra on the Rise as Recreational Drug Amongst Urban Youth The Boys in the Hood are always hard."

"Did you hear about the Nuns up north who started a marijuana dispensary? Holy smokes..."

"Professor: A wise man doubts everything. Only a pin-head is positive. Student: Are you sure of that sir? Professor: Positive."

"Can you believe they got back together after all that shit? MY BUTT CHEEKS!!!"