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Joke of the Day

"I vandalized an art major's car today. Removing pizza delivery signs is surprisingly easy."

"Autocorrect just changed ""Selfies"" to ""Selfless"" so I just took a picture without me in it."

"ISIS is taking back territory after a surprise turn of events. Their new partnership with Samsung is quickly paying off"

"Some guy ordered a glass of coke. I told him to take a pitcher, it'll last longer."

"The color red walks over to the table where Blue and Purple are sitting ""Sorry,"" says Blue, ""you can't sit with us. You aren't cool enough."""

"How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."

"Non vaccinated I don't believe in vaccines for my children. FDR never had the polio vaccine and he was President for 12 years."

"A costumer just said to me that my daughter and I look like twins. And I was like, ""Well, we were separated at birth."""

"A horse walked into a bar... ...several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger of the situation."

"My coworkers are fucking retarded children. Surely thats illegal."