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Joke of the Day

"Non vaccinated I don't believe in vaccines for my children. FDR never had the polio vaccine and he was President for 12 years."

"What do you call people so good at their jobs, they retire because they did everything? The mythbusters and ghostbusters."

"Why did the elephant paint itself lots of different colors. So that it could hide in the crayon box. Courtesy of my 4 y/o niece."

"A guy said to his friends ""you are all nuts"" They replied ""we know, we are healthy"""

"Interviewer: ""What's your greatest weakness?"" Candidate: ""Honesty."" Interviewer: ""I don't think honesty is a weakness."" Candidate: ""I don't give a fuck what you think."""

"I made a huge mistake I took my girlfriend to Subway, when she got her six inch sub, she looked at me and she instantly knew that I've been lying to her for years."

"Why are manhole covers round? Because if they were square, you couldn't play twiddlywinks with them."

"Failed my biology test today: They asked, ""What is commonly found in cells?"" Apparently ""black people"" wasn't the correct answer."

"The tattoos in your shirtless avi say 'bad boy'; the flowered wallpaper behind you scream 'living in mom's sewing room'."

"Italian restaurant. I went to my local Italian restaurant last night, but there was a large fat woman standing at the entrance. I couldn't get pasta."