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Joke of the Day

"ISIS is taking back territory after a surprise turn of events. Their new partnership with Samsung is quickly paying off"

"""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing... except when you're at a funeral."

"'Please, I need this', I whisper as I try to steal a baby goat from the petting zoo."

"What happens if you get human DNA in a goat? You get banned from the petting zoo."

"Just had an idea for a book that'd be a good screenplay that'd make a great short that'd be an amazing blog that's totally a tweet."

"Why did the pig run away from the pig sty? He felt that the other pigs were taking him for grunted."

"A drunk sits down in the taxi... Taxi driver: ""Where to?"" ""Home"" ""Ehh... could you be more specific?"" ""The living room"""

"[dog on trial for murder] lawyer: who's a good boy? dog: I am lawyer: your honor I rest my case"

"A man walked into a bar... ...and stayed there my whole childhood. ^:("

"Why is a gun better than a woman? You can buy a silencer for a gun"