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Joke of the Day

"Why was Heisenberg's wife unhappy? Whenever he had the energy, he didn't have the time."

"I farted loudly in an Apple store and everyone got really pissed off at me. But its not my fault they don't have windows."

"Whats the difference between a mosquito and your mom? The mosquite stops sucking when I slap it."

"Boss: You're late! On Friday, I made it clear that anyone arriving late would be fired Me: Well I didn't know! I ducked out early on Friday"

"I was going to tell you a time-travel joke... ... but someone reposted it, so you will hear it then."

"TIFU by calling a flight attendant a stewardess. Man did he get pissed off."

"What happened at the cannibal's wedding party? They toasted the bride and groom."

"A little girl and a little boy were sitting in a bathtub together.. The little girl looks down and asks, ""can I touch it?"" He answers, ""NO WAY- YOU ALREADY BROKE YOURS OFF!"""

"North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: Rapping, Son. North West: mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))"

"How do you find a vegan at your dinner party? Don't worry, they'll tell you."