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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me she was going to leave me because of my obsession with The Monkees, at first I didn't believe her... ...But then I saw her face."

"Archaeologists digging on a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts. Experts believe it to be Pharaoh Roche."

"Doctors Jokes "" Doctor I keep stealing things"" "" Take these tablets; if that doesn't work get me a flat screen TV."""

"Can you believe this guy watching porn on the bus over my shoulder?"

"I got a new stick of deoderant. Instructions said: 'remove cap & push up bottom'. I can barely walk but when I fart the room smells lovely"

"just when my neighbors think they know me, I sprint across their yard pushing a wheelbarrow full of hair"

"TIFU by sending nudes to everyone in my address book. Costed me a fortune in stamps."

"How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?"

"What's the difference between being hungry and horny? Where you put the cucumber in"

"Apparently Great Clips doesn't like it when you sit in there 8hrs/day chomping on a cigar shouting HE AINT PRETTY NO MORE after every cut"