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Joke of the Day

"It's actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day."

"We should really use the blackjack scale to rate women. For example: ""Every girl here is ugly"" ""Well, what about her? "" ""Eh, she's like a 15 or 16. Not sure if I'd hit it"""

"Knock knock Who's there ? Siobhan Siobhan who? Siobhan your knickers, your dad's home."

"Everyone is freaking out about all these glasses that glow under a backlight... ... But my sheets have been glowing under backlights since I was 14"

"I think single ply toilet paper is very spiritual. I easily get in touch with my inner self."

"That old expression: ""hold the phone!"" doesn't work anymore because everyone is already doing that"

"You can't swing a dead cat without hitting someone crazy here! Of course, if you're swinging a dead cat you probably shouldn't be so judgy."

"I'd rather drop a baby than my iPhone.... I mean I can make another baby.... But I have no clue how to make an iPhone..."

"What do you call a prostitute giving a blowjob under a bridge? Nothing. That's a low blow."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? 7 is black."