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Joke of the Day

"A Mexican magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3. He says ""uno, dos..."" and POOF! He disappeared without a tres."

"Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year."

"Don't you just hate those guys who show up at your door and tell you that you need to be saved or you'll burn? Fucking firemen."

"What did the hammer announce over the intercom to the evacuating screws screaming for help? ""This is not a drill!"""

"Relationship status I just caught myself stroking my gear shifter in traffic."

"Having a ""20 items or less"" express lane at Wal-Mart is pointless when your customers don't know how to count."

"Michael Phelps just won another gold medal for taking the quickest bath."

"The person who invented the word fuck was probably tapped on the shoulder while they had headphones on."

"Where do terrorists store their money? In the West Bank"

"[after putting a fake mustache on an elephant] FRIEND: You seen my elephant? ME: no FRIEND: [eyeing elephant] Maybe this fine gentleman has"