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Joke of the Day

"My family is starting to catch on to my ""I died"" excuse."

"I'd make a terrible beaver during the holidays... Because I couldn't give a dam."

"Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there's lots of school spirit!"

"*wears one gryffindor and one slytherin sock to work to represent the internal human struggle between good and evil*"

"If you go to the zoo and he doesn't help you steal a monkey, he's not that into you."

"A girl said she met me at the vegetarian meetup... I don't think I've met herbivore."

"What do you need to split a photon? A lightsabre"

"In London, a man gets robbed every 4.5 minutes. And he's getting fed up with it."

"What dino was known for having distinguished tastes? A Connosaur"

"Daughter is acting so rude I'm not sure she's even mine. Think my wife may have cheated on me with YouTube's comments section."