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Joke of the Day

"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Then I saw her arguing with him about money. Now I see Santa drinking by himself."

"My doctor said i shouldn't just binge drink all weekend. I tried taking his advice but can't drink a bottle of Jack Daniels every day."

"-THAR SHE BLOWS *she stops* Does he REALLY have to be in here? ""My seeing-eye pirate? Yes"" But this is so intima- ""Fill the balloons, Susan"""

"Never marry a woman who was captain of the debate team."

"Cheezus take the wheel! *bud um sch*"

"Pun challenge My friend entered a pun tournament this weekend and had to submit 10 puns. When I asked if he won, he told me ""No pun in ten did"""

"CW: I think you're two-faced Me: Why don't you say that to my face CW: I just did! Me: No. My other face."

"Idk Why you kept reading"

"Me: "" Doctor can you die from Constipation"" ? I'm a bit worried how full of Shit some people are !"""

"Shit. Gotta huge job interview tomorrow and I have no clue where I put my prom dress"