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Joke of the Day

"What's long and hard every time you wake up? Getting out of bed. You never feel like it making hard to get up and you usually take a long time to."

Next Joke
 
"Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now"
"Yes. You rt'd me 14 times in a row. Thanks. You are first in line for my liver when the time comes."
"Dance like theres no tomorrow OH MY GOD THERES NO TOMORROW WHY ARE WE DANCING"
"Someone recently discovered the mathematical formula underpinning every Beatles song ever! She got the Strawberry Fields Medal."
"Interviewer: ""What's your greatest strength?"" *45 minutes later* Me: ""I'm very comfortable with silence."""
"Let's name our sandwich shop after smelly trains."
"do you like icecream? then maybe you should marry it"
"Knock knock Who's there? YOUR MOM'S VAGINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"What's the difference between between a pizza and a black person? A Pizza can feed a family of four *Still courtesy of my Comrade Ivo*"