216250

Joke of the Day

"[arguing with friend about chemistry] *cop walks up* do we have a problem here? Me: No. We will find a solution once you argon, officer."

Next Joke
 
"If you're smoking weed on the way to Home Depot I can predict your future, in 2 hrs you're going back to Home Depot."
"I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying."
"A boy goes into a butcher's shop and says, Mum says can we please have a sheep's head..."". ""...and you're to leave the eyes in 'cos it's got to see us through the week."" Credit to Terry Pratchett."
"I don't like how when women get married they get to keep their first name."
"James Bond is my favorite drunk, horny murderer."
"Me: Can I have some of your candy? 3-year-old: Can I have some of your beer? Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: Deal. Wife: NO!"
"Watching my mom use an iPhone is like watching a 12 year old girl try and contact her dead grandma on a Ouija board."
"Nobody I'll change my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts,and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this"
"I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on."