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Joke of the Day

"I bet a zombie would be really, really disappointed to find out a ""brainstorm"" is not really a storm of brains."

"""The last thing I want to do is hurt you. First I want to date you & get to know you."""

"So I got a phone call from the post office today... ...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them ""It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike""."

"Golden words by a wise man:""If you want to change the world, do it when you are a bachelor. After marriage, you can't even change a TV channel..."""

"No one is sure how much it cost Coke to sponsor the Paralympics, but it undoubtedly cost an arm and a leg."

"""So, do you play any instruments?"" Me: *slaps knees for 30 minutes straight without breaking eye contact*"

"Why is today John Philip Sousa Day? Because he told everyone to march fourth."

"Porn addiction is a serious thing I have first hand experience."

"What's the average lifespan of an owl? About six and a half books."

"Went to a zoo that only had one dog It was a ShitZoo"