21605

Joke of the Day

"When I was young I wanted to join the basketball team... but the coach said they didn't need more basket balls"

"I have to write 4 pages in 3 hours, but at least I'm not deployed in Iraq."

"[at dinner] Wife: This is terrible. Me: Horrible. Waiter: Hey folks, how's your food? (simultaneously) Wife: Amazing! Me: Fantastic!"

"What do you call a super cool assassin? A badassassin."

"[Fortune Teller] ""I see great wealth, also danger."" Oh. ""And blue meth. Walt Jr. is crippled."" Are you watching Breaki- ""Jesse is so hot."""

"A surgeon was put on trial for sewing several people's genitals to their faces. When asked why he would commit such a heinous crime he replied ""Eh, just to fuck with their heads."""

"I held the record for collecting Stephen King's books. Then I lost It."

"What do you call a couple, who are both in wheelchairs? A pair of polegics!"

"I dressed up for Halloween today.. I went as someone who suffers from dyslexia"

"[Barber gets out a small mirror to show an owl the back of its head] Owl: No I got it *rotates* Owl: Wait where'd it- *rotates* Owl: Ok help"