215738

Joke of the Day

"A white Russian walks into a bar The bartender says: we have a cocktail named after you. The Russian replies: do you have a cocktail named Vladimir?"

"I'm sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don't really get the metric system. How much exactly is ""in moderation""?"

"Have you tried complaining about it for hours?"

"Being a hitman is very lucrative I make a living and a killing off of it"

"What do you call Squidward's Protest Group in Mexico? Counter-Esp*i*on*a*ge"

"It was karaoke night. My friend chose to sing, ""We Are Young"". He sung it horribly. So I told him, ""You're no fun."" I'll show myself out."

"Why did the hipster burn their tongue? They ate their dinner before it was cool."

"if you can get a price tag onto a priceless jewel they have to sell it to you for that price, it's a simply trick that saves on heist work"

"Removing access to contraceptives in order to discourage premarital sex is like removing seat belts to encourage safer driving habits."

"They're having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I'm dreading it."