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Joke of the Day

"Hubby: This dinner is not gonna make itself!!!!! And that ladies and Gentleman is how I starred on ""COPS"""

"I like my pizza like I like my women... Hot and delivered to my house."

"I have a mice problem so I lay out tiny red and blue bandanas in hopes they start a west coast/east coast thing and take care of each other."

"No one seems to like my gallows humor. They get so hung up about it."

"So apparently ""You can't tell me what to do, you're not my real dad!"" isn't of much use when dealing with armed cops."

"I shut down my computer in the middle of an iTunes update and I think Siri just sent a Terminator back in time to kill teenage me."

"I've been reading a book on North African History It's very moorish."

"Quick! How many chameleons are in the room with you right now? You can never answer this question with 100% certainty."

"What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner? Breakfast and lunch. I'll show myself out now"

"*walks out into irradiated air using an antique porcelain teacup as a gas mask* *dies instantly, but with a touch of class*"