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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my X-Wing pilots... ""Almost there."""

"Why don't women blink during sex? They don't have time!"

"Mr. Trump, who's your Secretary of State? TRUMP: To deal with China, one that speaks Mandarin [remembers to appeal to women] or Womandarin"

"I just smoked so much pot that I tried to order one of the dishes of food off the scrolling instagram menu."

"Use your whole data plan each month. There are children in China that have no data plan"

"My sister had a baby today. I think I've used that as an excuse to get out of more stuff this week than she has."

"Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with ? The girl necks door."

"Why didn't Barbie and Ken's relationship work out? Because Ken always came in another box."

"Ok Reddit, I'll be signing off to take my girlfriend home... ...and I'm back, didn't take long to put my hand in my pocket."

"What do you call a monkey in a suit? Over-dressed!"