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Joke of the Day

"How do dogs order eggs at restaurants? Pooched."

"You don't know shit about pressure until you're the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you."

"Waiter: May I take your order? Yes, roll over and play dead! Waiter: It's not that kind of order. Oh. Sorry. I'll have the cheese sticks."

"I don't need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends I can be certain of."

"Of course my days are numbered.. That's how calendars work."

"""It's a boy!"" I shouted, tears rolling down my face. ""I don't believe it. A boy!"" It was at that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again."

"Did you hear about the gay football coach? He turns tight ends into wide receivers"

"ME: Well, time to make like a tree, and leaf. HER: *giggling* So, my place or... ME: *starts sprouting leaves from my fingers* HER: WHAT THE"

"Do you want to hear a joke about pussies? You probably won't get it."

"Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body, He's all right now."