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Joke of the Day

"Waitress: what will it be? Me: I'll have the rum cake but with the rum on the side W: so u want a glass of rum & a cupcake? M: yes please"

"I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

"If my guitar weeped, gently or otherwise, the song I'd write would be called, ""Holy Shit, My Fucking Guitar Is Weeping."""

"Wanna know what makes me smile? Face muscles"

"Why didn't the skeleton ask out the Zombie to go to the Halloween party? He didn't have the guts"

"Nigel Farage walks into a bar Convinces the patrons to set it on fire, and then leaves."

"Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, ""You gotta bring it today!"" SO I'M GONNA BRING IT! *brings lunch to work*"

"Broke my make-up mirror this morning. I thought people would say 7 yrs of bad luck but mostly it's been, ""Your eyeliner is really crooked."""

"My girlfriend said I'm too immature for her. ""If I'm immature, how come I've got an Arsfor?"" She said ""What's an Arsfor?"" ""Shitting!"" I said, and giggled for 20 minutes."

"""I feel like I got off on the wrong foot."" - Star of a foot fetish flick criticizing his performance"