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Joke of the Day
"If I was antisocial I wouldn't have just ordered a pizza over the phone."
Next Joke
"What's better than two roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ."
"I have a job for you planting tulips.... ON DIS DICK!"
"What do you call an upbeat and reasonable fortune teller? A happy medium."
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust A guns only weakness is Obama and rust."
"Diplomacy is saying ""nice doggy"" until you find a big rock."
"Why did Waldo go to therapy? To find himself."
"[dinner party] GUEST: so what are your thoughts on euthanasia? ME: [mouth full of mashed potatoes] I am against youths everywhere."
"WIFE: Dave's here HUSBAND: Dave from work or Dave who always wears scarves? ME: [from downstairs] I got caught in the ceiling fan again!"
"How many factory farmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they would rather keep you in the dark!"