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Joke of the Day

"Sadly, very few people get this joke: ""A termite walks into a bar and asks 'Is the bar tender here?'"" -What's your favorite joke that no one gets?"

"A moment of silence for those who sacrificed themselves to determine which mushrooms taste good with pasta, which are fun & which kill you."

"If someone starts a speech, ""I'd like to take this opportunity--,"" I interrupt by shouting, ""He's trying to take our opportunity! Grab him!"""

"Daily 'Facts About CHEESE' Fact About Cheese #3: ""String Cheese. Is not made of string."""

"Why did the train engineer go on a rampage? He had a loco-motive."

"I told my mom I was going to run away to Oklahoma. All she said was, ""OK"""

"Editors at fashion magazines, you're doing a great job. Women continue to hate their bodies."

"""I'm sorry Mickey, I can't file divorce just because you think Minnie's silly."" ""Your honor, I don't think you understand. She's *fucking* Goofy!"""

"i'm actually pretty attractive if you never compare me to anyone ever"

"My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I'm fearful of her college days."