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Joke of the Day

"A man comes homes and sees his girlfriend packing... ""What are you doing?"" He asks ""I'm leaving you"" ""But why"" ""Because you're a pedophile"" ""Pedophile?... big word for an 11 year old"""

"Having sex is just like riding a bike. A strategically placed baseball card makes it sound like a motorcycle."

"My friend is selling me some old French guns... Thieve never been used but they were dropped once."

"""FINISH HIM,"" I scream, as Nana takes the last bite of her gingerbread man."

"Last night I poured a hot bath, lit candles and turned on the radio. Then I threw them into the bath because I'm a guy and was curious."

"When a squirrel runs on the road then turns around quickly is it because he thinks he left his little squirrel iron on?"

"A breakfast buffet at my funeral so people will be happy. But with soy bacon and chia seed pancakes so they know it's a time to grieve."

"Why'd the British man cross the ocean? Freedom."

"What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an Asian? A car thief who can't drive"

"A drum set falls out of a window... Ba dum tssh!"