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Joke of the Day

"The city I live in had its annual incest competition. So I entered my sister."

"I love emoji. No longer do I have to type out ""This weather is yellow face with hearts instead of eyes"""

"My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on."

"Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won't notice... Call her fat once and she will never forget. That's because elephants never forget."

"If you think your child is annoying, imagine what I think."

"A local police department was broken into tonight - reports say all the toilets were stolen. Police say they've got nothing to go on. (This joke courtesy of my dad)"

"A cheese shop was just bombed in Paris. There's de-brie everywhere ^^^I'm ^^^really ^^^sorry"

"I mean, I'm smart, but I'm no Alfred Einstein."

"He told me he wanted a dirty girl so I didn't shower for two weeks. Now he won't return my calls. Forget women, MEN and their mixed signals!"

"I was addicted to brake fluid... ...but I know I can stop whenever I want!"