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Joke of the Day

"At my job interview today the Boss said, ""You're shaking, don't be so nervous."" So I told him, ""Oh, I'm not nervous, I'm an alcoholic."""

"John... ...[Staymoist](http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/21300000/John-Stamos-john-stamos-21331988-1611-1089.jpg)"

"Oh man almost forgot the trash *takes trash out, a nice little sushi place* This is great *sees wife there with the recycling* WHAT THE HELL"

"I can't believe Trump just issued an executive order changing Dora the Explorer to ""Doreen the Submissive Housewife"""

"My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a transformer. Girlfriend: ""I'm sick of you pretending you're a transformer. I'm leaving you."" Me: ""No baby wait, I can change..."""

"At the end of the day, no one needs to worried about the_donald's large scale of support None of them are old enough to vote anyway."

"*watches soccer* *watches soccer* *watches soccer* *watches soccer* *has to pee* *watches soccer* *gets up to pee* *misses goal* :/"

"Its Saddam shame, the situation in the Middle East... ... it's Assad day for us all."

"I recently bought a corset to spice up my sex life. Once I've learned how to breathe in the damn thing I'll tell you how it worked out."

"I am genderfluid I sexually identify as mayonnaise. If you can't stand it than you neeed to ketchup."