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Joke of the Day

"At my job interview today the Boss said, ""You're shaking, don't be so nervous."" So I told him, ""Oh, I'm not nervous, I'm an alcoholic."""

"I forgot FB was not Twitter & posted something ultra dirty. Now I have to avoid my granndma, change my hair color & leave the state."

"Pro Tip: Make sure you wear your Fitbit on your dominant hand so you get credit every time you lift an ice cream cone to your mouth."

"The constipated mathematician What does a mathematician do when she is constipated? Works it out with a pencil."

"Did you hear Burger King is promoting a black Whopper? McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder."

"What do you call a corn farmer who wakes up one morning to find that complex branching pathways have been cut into his field? amaized."

"What's Lorde's favourite band? Yeah Yeah Yeahs"

"My girlfriend left me I came home to find her packing her things. ""I just found out you're a pedophile"", she explained. So I said, ""That's a pretty big word for a twelve year old""."

"Why can't you suck air through your fist while bobbing your head back and forth? ;}"

"What confuses a gay person? Seven"