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Joke of the Day

"Why did the stressed out zombie go on vacation? He needed some time to himself to decompose."

"What do you get if you cross a salmon a bird's leg and a hand ? Birdsthigh fish fingers !"

"I asked a chinese girl for her number She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."""

"Fun Fact By law, fun facts don't have to be true, but actual facts do. Just a fun fact I thought I'd share."

"I think you can all settle down. Its unlikely Instagram will ever find buyers for photos of 20 000 feet and a billion sunsets."

"I listened to Winter by Vivaldi the other day... Ugh, that piece is soooo *last season*"

"is your name melissa? ""yes"" are you married? ""to you sadly"" yes or no please ""yes"" do you like the lie detector I bought for your birthday?"

"*me looking at a police lineup* Number 3 is cute. OMG Is he single? Give him my number! What? Oh. Right. Five. Number 5 killed my grandpa."

"Hey, thanks for making sure ""Nazi"" is capitalized, iPhone. Way to honor them."

"Why did the dick go to 7-11? To get a Slurpee."