213755

Joke of the Day

"So i had my first child... * Me: Oh my god! what are you doing?? * Doctor: What? im suppose to slap her in the ass after the birth, no? * Me: You suppose to slap the baby!!"

"I had a joke about Jonestown, But the punchline was too long."

"Sometimes I look down at my cleavage and I'm like, ""wow!"" ""That's where the rest of that cookie went!"""

"An unsung legacy of Bill Clinton's presidency is that since he left office, no sitting President has shot a load on a non-spouse."

"knock knock Who's There? Do you ya Do you ya who? No, It's 2014 I use Google"

"Q- How many billionaires does it take to make Batman A- Three. Two to die and one to never get over it. I heard this in the game Arkham Knight"

"BREAKING NEWS: Scientists sneak up on Periodic Table, add element of Surprise"

"[DARK] A bulky muslim man walks into a gay bar... He says ""EVERYONE, WANNA SEE THESE GUNS??"" Everyone ""YEEEAAAHHH!!!"" And. Thats how Orlando happened. And dark humor is never too soon :)"

"Had a lot of chemistry with my high-school science teacher."

"You know what I love about world history? ... It's a long story"