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Joke of the Day

"A father asks his son ""Son, why are you not hanging out with Mark any more?"" ""Would you want to hang out with someone who is drunk and does drugs every day?"" ""Of course not!"" ""Well, neither does he."""

"What stops your hair from falling? The floor"

"I've always said I'd go to Africa at some point in my life, and do what I could to help all the poor, starving children. But I've just had so much on my plate recently."

"TIFU by taking someone else's sandwich at the deli today Oops... wrong sub"

"I've seen: UFOs Ghosts A Two Headed Turtle Kimodo Dragons But nothing is as unbelievable to me as seeing Trump run for president."

"A homeless man told me this one. (Kinda NSFW) Why do women have two pairs of lips? One to bitch with, and one to apologize with."

"The Mohel Did ya know that Mohels don't get paid? They only take tips."

"[texting] ex: your friends were looking at me really strange at the game. me: yeah well I told them you died in a hot air balloon accident."

"[at my dad's funeral after he drowns] ME: *places a wreath made of a life preserver on the coffin* It's what he would have wanted..."

"A termite walks into a bar... And asks, ""Is the bartender here?""."