213623

Joke of the Day

"If video games have taught me anything, it's that you'll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss"

"My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, ""How old are you?"" I said, ""I'm five."" He said, ""When I was your age I was six."""

"My wife yawned during sex but I really have to blame the dog watching us because he yawned first."

"What did one gay sperm say to the other? How are we going to get through this shit"

"Despite hating tomatoes, I was a tomato in a school play. I put my personal beliefs aside and nailed the role because I was a professional."

"What type of lunch do you get at an air show? A plain one."

"Ever since it started snowing, all my grandma has done is stare through the window. If it gets any worse, I will need to let her back in."

"Do you know what grinds my gears? I have to read the aforementioned title twice for most jokes."

"Butt dialing and booty calling So similar. So different"

"Everyone says they want a fairytale wedding. But when I show up and curse their firstborn, suddenly I'm the jerk..."