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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise."

"Nice guys finish last. But thats because practice makes perfect."

"What's the hardest part of washing a vegetable? putting them back in the wheelchair"

"Did you just call me a boombox? Eugh that's such a stereotype"

"I nod and smile at empty places just to confuse any ghosts that might be there into thinking i can see them."

"My hobbies include 1. Refreshing the same fucking apps over and over 2. Winning arguments in my head that are already over 3. Starring into the fridge because I'm bored ..."

"I heard Bill Cosby made a SexTape. . . It's twice as strong as Duct Tape."

"What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch? -rated movies"

"Ever wonder where people got their surnames from? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher might have been a butcher. ...then there's Mr. Dickinson."

"Having big boobs because you're fat is like having a fast car because it's falling off a cliff"